Love & Relationships: Why Are We So Comfortable Being Manipulated By The Ones We Love?

gospel goodies love and relationships flyer

In Latin, the world manipulus means “handful” or “bundle.” To an extent, we all have fallen prey to a handful of manipulation. Many have asked themselves why I am so comfortable with being manipulated by the one I love? Why do I stay with a man or woman who continues to cheat? Why do I remain loyal to a friend who continues to throw shade on me? Why do I put up with people who do not give back what I give to them?

The answer lies within being manipulated at a young age.

Being manipulated often stems from our upbringing. We grew up with a foundation built on manipulation given a bundle at a time, so much that it becomes unrecognizable because it is given in small doses, yet is an infestation that implodes within us and its toxicity often lasts a lifetime. According to RAINN statistics, one of every six women and one of every 10 men are also abused, but the vast majority are under the ages of 15. Manipulation starts as a child and has been made a cornerstone for many who are reading this article. Handfuls or bundles of this negative influence have been placed in the form of abuse not just in homes, but also in the church.

The highest form of manipulation or sensual abuse is when someone uses the name of God to manipulate a poor soul. We must put a stop to this! The origination of this spirit is of Satan himself. Satan is the first deceiver or manipulator. Satan takes half-truths and places them into his bed of leisure. What makes matters worse is that a person who is abused or manipulated may not even recognize the idiosyncrasies against them. This is the highest success of the enemy. If Satan can make us feel that either the manipulation did not happen, or even worse, that we ourselves caused a certain happening, then Satan has us in a lifetime bondage which was subject to his will. This must change.

Understand that people who manipulate were also manipulated themselves; manipulation is what they know.

As a therapist, the patterns are clear to me. Many who have been manipulated (whether indirectly learned or directly inherited) will do the same to others. We should carefully probe often to take inventory to see if we are manipulated and more so, are we manipulating others?

As deadly as the Ebola virus is, so is the virus of manipulation. Ebola causes a severe and fatal hemorrhagic fever. The same is said with manipulation. It is in the blood and causes toxic infestation. Yes, it can be a generational curse – a curse that must be broken to save the generation of our future. The epidemic can be stopped but it must first be recognized as to what it is and what it looks like. Once recognized, healing can begin.

Mark 12: 28 – 31 speaks directly that my love of God is only fulfilled with my love of people. If I hurt, destroy or manipulate, then I do the same to the God of my salvation. We must change this mind-frame. The fear and anxiety that one creates due to manipulation is not God ordained and must be flushed out of our system.

Lincoln Beachey was a great aerobatics and stunt pilot in the early 1900s who crashed and died in an airplane accident crashed in the San Francisco Bay. I pray this article encourages you to bail from the entanglement of being manipulated or manipulating others when the airplane of pain goes down.

T. Charles Brantley, Ph.D is a Christian counselor, relationship expert, and author of 22 nationally published books. For more information, follow Dr. Brantley at and visit

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